A truly good story takes you on a voyage to a place you didn’t know you wanted to visit. The Forty Rules of Love is just that kind of story; reading it is just that kind of journey. Elif Shafak is one of Turkey’s best-selling female authors. Up until I received this novel, her latest, The Forty Rules of Love, I had never heard of Shafak and that’s a shame really. Shafak is a gifted storyteller. The Forty Rules of Love consists of two parallel stories, one of which is set in contemporary time and the other of which takes place in the 13th century. The contemporary plot revolves around a housewife, Ella, about to turn 40, who is hired as a reader for a literary agent to read a book dubbed Sweet Blasphemy. Ella is a realist or so she thinks at the start of the book when she begins reading a new novelist’s rumination. The Forty Rules of Love is in some ways her coming of age story. Quickly Ella falls in love with the prose in the novel she reviews and then reaches out to the author through email beginning a relationship. But what sort of relationship will it be? That remains up to Ella, taken by the writing of this new author Aziz. She knows little of him but his talent and this portion of the book is told in a nouveau sort of epistolary for our times – through written emails to each other. Their emails grow increasingly amorous. “Her first email to Aziz was not a letter so much as an invitation, a cry for help. But Ella had no way of knowing this as she sat in the silence of her kitchen and composed a note to an unknown writer she didn’t expect to meet now or any time in the future.” The plot within Sweet Blasphemy revolves around the Sufi poet Rumi and his spiritual encounter with Shams of Tabriz. As Shams schools Rumi in spiritual matters he learns to open his mind more fully to that which he cannot see or touch and he realizes his life has been missing a key ingredient. Ella, in the contemporary plot line, can be seen to follow the same story arc only with a more romantic outcome. As Shams unveils each of his rules of love to Rumi, Ella and Aziz can be seen experiencing, internalizing and reacting to the fictional rules as their own. There is a certain subtle magic realism about this novel, not as overt as the Latin American authors who perfected the genre, but gentler and slightly more spiritual in nature. Perhaps that’s another reason I so enjoyed this book. The characters in this book are beautifully illustrated and the narrative at times complex, but not so as to detract from the read, only so that it illuminates the strength of the writer’s talent. In the end there is an unexpected twist and prose so lovely and insightful that it is also slightly heartbreaking. The Forty Rules of Love is more than a great love story: it is also an intriguing look at the intimate relationship that can exist between author and reader, writer and reviewer.
The Forty Rules of Love, 2010, Viking, $32.50 Canadian and $25.95 US.
Thriftymommastips’ rating $$$$$ out of $$$$$
thriftymomma is not compensated for her reviews, but receives a copy of the books she reviews.
The Language of Love and Respect or Google Map Theory
The Language of Love and Respect promises better communication with your mate and falls under the spiritual growth genre of self help books. It is a book I would not normally read as I frankly find the whole self help genre to be completely overdone and overhyped. I believe in living my life daily while trying to be fully present for experiences as they present themselves. Frankly I have always been baffled by people who seek spiritual awareness in a book. So the self help genre for me is a self indulgent and odd little phenomenon. The Language of Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has not changed my view of this type of book. To be clear there were probably a few good pointers in this book, but most of them seemed as if they’d already been written about somewhere else. The premise of this language is that men communicate essentially in blue while women communicate in pink. Women see things with pink sunglasses and men with blue; women hear things with pink hearing aids and men with blue. While the references to pink and blue are clearly old fashioned and stereotypical, the theory has a bit of merit. One need only drive on a roadtrip with a man anywhere to realize this theory. I explain it in terms of Google Maps. When I drive and navigate towards a destination I print out Google turn by turn word directions. It helps me to know when and where to turn. My husband, on the other hand, proved my theory this summer on a road trip to Ohio. He was stunned I hadn’t printed out the actual map. Pink glasses. Blue glasses. I call it google map theory. The entire philosophy present in The Language is a bit too reminiscent of Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus. The language in this book also threw me as a reviewer. The author also describes what he calls the “Crazy Cycle” as the space in a communication exchange where you are trapped and communicating at cross purposes. The grown up verison of “No I didn’t.” “Yes, you did.” In his defence he does give several examples of how to get off the cycle or avoid the cycle. He cites this as an example: on an occasion when his wife was planning to go help a friend with a new baby, she previously noted she would be going to him, but when it came closer to the event, she told him again and the author realizes he didn’t remember her saying anything about the new baby. He suggests that as it is typically a male trait to not listen carefully enough, that it was his fault. Instead of stating: “You did not tell me that.” the author paused and realized he was at fault. Instead the statement to his wife was something like this: “I am sorry, I don’t recall hearing you tell me that you were going. I apologize I must not have been listening.” If men read this type of book then there may be a few lessons learned from these types of examples. Still I wish he’d thought this out with more sensitivity to terminology. The term “Crazy Cycle” is somewhat offensive. Eggerichs is a P.H.D. and a Pastor who runs marriage clinics and counselling groups. He lives in East Lansing, Michigan. There are a few worthwhile communication lessons here, but this sadly is not a book I would go out of my way to buy as it has been done before, and I think also better, by other authors.
The Language of Love and Respect gets a $$ out of $$$$$
Thomas Nelson Publishers, $14.99 U.S. 2007 originally published as Cracking The Communication Code. (sadly a better title the first time around.)
Thriftymomma was not compensated in any way for this review but received a free copy of the book from the publisher.